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Showing posts with label Gossip. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gossip. Show all posts

November 16, 2019

Aphex Twin Admits He Literally Has No Idea What He’s Doing

SCOTLAND—Richard D. James of Aphex Twin fame admits to us in an interview: "Yeah, I just go on stage and twiddle knobs until people start cheering."

When asked to explain further, James confesses that he has never really written a single song. Every morning he wakes up to a completely new song recorded, mixed, and mastered.

When asked how this was possible, James stated that one day he watched a box full of "musical doodads" get hit by a strange bolt of lightning, and afterwards the electronics started creating otherworldly sounds. When asked what gear was struck, he promptly said, "Gears? I'm a musician, not a clocksmith..."

Incredibly, when he showed us his studio, it was devoid of any and all equipment apart from an Apple Macintosh II computer running Linux and a pair of unplugged speakers. When asked where his synthesizers were, James replied, “My what? Oh, yeah, those things,” and then didn't answer the question.

James claims he will release new music if, "The rains are good this year," and hopefully they are.

July 9, 2019

Caustic Takes Fan's Response to Limited Edition Cassette Literally


MADISON, WI—Matt Fanale, the man behind Caustic and half of Klack has been hospitalized after following the instructions of an unenthused fan at his merch table.

During a recent show at The Crucible, Matt Fanale was working the merch table after his set when a man in his early to mid thirties wearing glasses and a cat t-shirt approached him and complimented him on his performance. Upon thanking him, Fanale promptly drew the man's attention to the large stack of limited edition cassettes left over from the last few albums.

"He's really been pushing these hard. I told him not to do them, because who the hell wants a cassette? Matt was adamant though. He said, 'Tape is the new vinyl, and I'm the new Devo,' whatever that means. But yeah, this was the first time I've seen someone respond honestly and say what we're all thinking," recounted Fanale's partner in music and general wrangler, Eric Oehler.

A fan who witnessed the incident, Lindsey, told us, "Caustic is a natural performer and just wants to please his fans. This wouldn't be the first time he's taken it too far. It just sucks because I was gonna buy one before this all went down."

Fanale was rushed to a nearby hospital for emergency treatment. He has since posted an eBay link to the recovered cassette. An unknown user, "linds1981," currently holds the highest bid at $2.50.


April 13, 2019

Orgy Sues Messier 87 Black Hole for Copyright Infringement


LOS ANGELES, CA—The recently released photo of the supermassive black hole at the center of the Messier 87 galaxy has gone viral, thus beginning its 15 minutes of fame. However, a certain group whose 15 minutes has long since passed, is not amused. Seminal late '90s, Hot Topic meets Nu-Metal band Orgy has filed suit against the black hole. Orgy frontman Jay Gordon claims that the astronomical phenomenon recently christened "Powehi" is infringing upon the cover art of Orgy's debut album "Candyass" released in 1998.

According to court records, Los Angeles County Small Claims Court Judge Marshall Hartford was critical of the suit and cited multiple flaws in Orgy's case before throwing it out entirely. Hartford stated that it was not possible to sue a black hole or a galaxy. The veteran judge also pointed out that the galaxy in which Powehi resides is roughly 13.24 billion-years-old, thus preceding the album art design by over 13 billion years. According to witnesses in the court room, this was the moment when Gordon's face went white—presumably out of concern for a potential counter suit.

Sources close to the band say Gordon has plans to sue NASA, but likely does not have the finances needed to do so. There are rumors of a potential GoFundMe campaign, however, Orgy does not have a good track record of successfully crowd sourcing funds.

When reached for comment, NASA hung up.

April 2, 2019

DJ Stephen29 Gets Hot Topic Lower Back Tattoo


No, seriously, he did. We didn't make this up. We saw this and were like, "OK, let's just copypaste reality and have that be the joke article this week." And here we are. Looking at this. A thing that actually exists. On a 27-year-old man's lower back.

Hot Topic is an American retail chain specializing in selling overpriced counterculture-related clothing and accessoriesto teenagers, as well as licensed t-shirts of long-dead musicians their customers have only vaguely heard of. It's where we all went in our youth in order to express ourselves and torment our parents. It's where we currently sneak into just to check out the shirts real quick after buying eyeliner from Sephora. At our age, we know better than to fuck around with a shitty drugstore brand.

Most of us have since turned our backs on Hot Topic, but one man has turned his back toward it. Completely sober and not withdrawing from any psychiatric medications that we know of, the Cincinnati-based goth/industrial/ebm DJ known as Stephen29 has recently made a life choice to pay homage to the store that helped many of us figure out who we are. It's a choice he stands by, a choice he sat and leaned forward for, and a choice you shouldn't judge.


November 3, 2018

Tim Sköld of Skold Scolds Skold Manager for Scolding Sköld's Skolden Retriever


GOTHENBURG, SE—Tim Sköld of Skold reportedly scolded his band Skold's manager for scolding Sköld's Golden Retriever for attempting to cuddle with the man.

"You don't scold a dog like that. Who doesn't want puppy cuddles? It's just cold," said Tim Sköld of Skold.

"He really ripped into him. It was gold. I almost rolled on the floor laughing," we were told by one of Sköld's stylists, Cole Daniels.

The manager has reportedly agreed to cuddle with Sköld's golden retriever next time like he was told.

September 19, 2018

Shiv-R Puts Jacket On, No Longer Cold


MELBOURNE, AU—It would be hard to convince anyone that an Australian native would be cold considering the beaming rays of sun that cook the surface of the land Down Under, but for two men this is a sad reality they have to live with. Until recently, they've been unaware of a common remedy.

The industrial and dark electro producers behind Shiv-R, Pete Crane and Ben Bulig, have had their fight against their cold state well documented since the initiation of their project. The name of their band is a play on the word "shiver" and showcases their struggle to get warm. Though the sun always strikes down upon them, the two musicians have always found themselves walking in a sunny winter wonderland, and they cannot shake that feeling off of themselves.

This is before they discovered jackets, an invention that is hardly known to Australian natives due to the weather and deserts that surround them. A Riveting News field team was in Melbourne when one of our reporters asked a random man on the street what a jacket was, and he replied, "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, mate. I don't even know who you are. Or what you're wearing. You're a freak. Get outta here."

When introduced to jackets, they were at first skeptical and scared, they were soon coaxed into wearing the jackets. As their feeble and shivering hands slid into the jacket and after their bodies, Crane and Bulig were no longer cold.

In a closed interview afterwards, Shiv-R has announced they would soon start a new side-project called Sweat-N in reference to their newfound love and cure for the shivers.

May 22, 2018

Taylor Swift Releases Industrial Album, Riveting News Out of Ideas


NASHVILLE, TN—Let's say she recorded an industrial album featuring a single about her breakup with pop-country. That should work, right? Yeah, I'm gonna do it.

The new album will be produced by Trent Reznor someone more industrial like Ogre or Alexis whatever from 3Teeth; they've got a lot of buzz right now. Is the T supposed to be capitalized? I've seen it both ways.

Swift says something about being sick of the vapid world of pop stardom and how her handlers never let her smear black grease paint on her neck before going on stage. Maybe Photoshop the picture to reflect that. Or not. The simplicity could help sell the idea that we didn't put any effort into this one even though we actually kind of did. After all, the real joke is in the meta self deprecation. You know someone's gonna leave a Facebook comment about how meta this is. Probably Kevin again. Remember to make him write another article. That meth-synth story was gold. Plus, then we get to name drop Cyanotic just like I am right now. Whoa. This is a rabbit hole.

Ooh! Gary Numan! Have him be involved somehow. His last two albums were amazing. Maybe a quote from him like, "I'm so glad Taylor has found her true calling. I'm honored to be working with her, bla bla bla." Or better yet, Andy from Combichrist. The post will get a boost from everyone shitting on Combichrist in the comments. God, I feel like this is so easy sometimes.

Four or five paragraphs should be enough. No one reads the stories anyway. Headline+Pic=Share. How hilarious would it be if they don't even realize what any of this is? I mean, the headline should pique their interest though. Oh, and put our rivet pattern background behind her. It'll be like a representation of how we're just slapping Taylor Swift on our website in order to pump out another article.

P.S. Does a P.S. make sense in an article? This kind of comes off as an internal memo anyway, right? Let's copy paste this whole thing, replace Swift with Trump, and publish it in a few months. Boom. That was just a joke, but now I think we should really do it just in case one person remembers this. Include this paragraph verbatim without replacing her name. I'm way too amused by the fact that this is the sixth paragraph when earlier I said four or five.

December 1, 2017

Gravity Kills' Jeff Scheel Falls from Fifth Floor, Survives


OKLAHOMA CITY, OK—The frontman of industrial rock band Gravity Kills survived a five story fall from an apartment building early Saturday morning. Police suspect he may have been pushed as they search for the Guilty party.

Jeff Scheel was found unconscious on top of a damaged vehicle at 13 Star Ave. at 12:30 am after Falling from a fifth-floor window, authorities said. Alcohol is not believed to have been a factor.

“I was Wide Awake when I heard a loud Crashing noise. I will Never forget it,” said One neighbor, Doug Firley. “We can Always hear people all night long, but they were running Down the stairs and yelling like they were Superstarved for attention or something. I Wanted to go down there and shut them up, but then I looked out the window. I've never seen a car's roof just Disintegrate like that.”

Another neighbor who called 911 when he heard Scheel fall, saw the stricken man on the ground, surrounded by distraught friends.

“They were asking, ‘Can you hear me?’ And another guy was asking If there were any medics Here,” said the third-floor resident, who gave his name as Kurt. “They sounded angry and they were yelling back and forth at each other.”

Though Scheel's injuries were severe, the incident occurred not far from Kerns Hospital, where he was admitted within Fifteen Minutes. A screen from the window was still on the ground outside the building Saturday, next to the car his body had landed on.

A source told us that the scene Inside the apartment from where Scheel had fallen had been Manipulated, which is Enough to suggest that someone is to Blame. Authorities are determined to Hold someone accountable, and are speaking with everyone who Last saw him.

"It is our Belief that this may have been an attempted murder. I'll tell you One Thing: I look Forward to getting to the bottom of this," said one officer and fan who asked to remain anonymous.

Scheel's friend Matt Dudenhoeffer was visibly shaken and on the verge of a Breakdown, "I'm just so glad he's Alive and I didn't have to say Goodbye. I know I would Drown in grief. That man Never hurt anyone; didn't have a single Enemy. Most rock stars are all about Love, Sex, And Money, but not Jeff. He was so kind, you could Beg And Borrow anything from him. If he ever met you, he'd never Forget Your Name. He had so much going for him, I can't believe someone would try to Take It All Away."

Scheel is said to be in a medically induced coma while he heals from broken ribs, which almost caused him to Suffocate. A candle light vigil will be held on Wednesday at Personal Jesus Methodist Church for those wishing to gather in prayer for his recovery.

November 14, 2017

Louis C.K.: "Meat Beat Manifesto Made Me Do It"


HOLLYWOOD, CA—The rise of sexual allegations in Hollywood are not to be joked about; the serious matter has been ruining celebrities left and right from the likes of Kevin Spacey to Harvey Weinstein with many men and women coming forward to address these horrible situations. It was not surprising to see the crude comedian Louis C.K. come forward and state that the allegations of sexual harassment bestowed unto him by five women are true. However, we have an inside scoop from an anonymous source who states that they know why Louis C.K. committed such defiling acts.

When questioned about his acts of perversion, Louis C.K. told our source, "Meat Beat Manifesto made me do it."

Louis C.K. went on to describe his love for the infamous post-industrial and experimental project. He said he loved them so much he took the name of the project literally and therefore went on his own Meat Beating Manifesto. Our source claimed that Louis C.K. went on to say, "Well, since I followed the name of the band like a manifesto, I took it to heart. I would go around masturbating in front of as many people as I could. My dog, my co-workers; hell, I even masturbated on the phone with my father-in-law once."

While Louis C.K. has admitted to his acts of perversion he has yet to come forward and actually talk about his intense obsession with this industrial act. The first step to solving your problem is admitting you have one, Louis, so you ought to reveal this to the world next. I would not be surprised if he was also a fan of Revolting Cocks, but that's another theory for another day.

We have reached out to Louis C.K. for comment but his answering machine only brought us to sounds of further intense masturbation, a thought we will not be able to shake out of our heads for the next while.

September 13, 2017

Sheeple Outraged After 3Teeth Proves Existence of Third Twin Tower on September 11th


FACEBOOK—Many conspiracies have sprung up surrounding the tragedy that took place on September 11th in 2001. 3Teeth frontman Alexis Mincolla has revealed that a third tower existed and was also destroyed; one that they don't want you to know about.

On September 11th, 2017, Mincolla posted a photo on the 3Teeth Facebook page showing what appears to be a third tower burning at the World Trade Center, providing concrete proof that what we've been told is a lie.

Fans and critics alike were angered, as the official story has become ingrained in American culture and accepting the truth is dangerous.

"It's absurd that they would post something like that; on today of all days," said Byron Westcock, a casual fan in strong opposition to being woke. "To think, I liked their page and listened to three of their songs, and then they pull something like this."

Regardless of what those with their heads in the sand want to believe, we now have definitive proof that every depiction of the World Trade Center over the last 40 years has been doctored.

UPDATE: Alex Jones of InfoWars has now created a section on his website dedicated to proving that a third tower existed at the World Trade Center prior to the attacks on September 11th, 2001.

September 6, 2017

Biblical Historian Claims Jesus Never Built Hotrod


CINCINNATI, OH—One local researcher has done a thorough investigation into claims made by the renowned industrial rock band Ministry. “Their 1991 single, ‘Jesus Built my Hotrod’, features guest vocalist Gibby Haynes from the Butthole Surfers claiming, as you would guess, that Jesus built a hotrod-style muscle car for him,” says Michael Jeuspraut. “We have, however, found significant evidence which proves that Jesus of Nazareth would not have been alive on Earth at a time or place when hotrodding would have been possible–the technology just didn’t exist in His time. Furthermore, He wasn’t a mechanic by trade. According to Biblical texts, Jesus was most likely a carpenter or possibly a stone mason.”

During my interview with Jeuspraut, I was given a lengthy lesson about Nazareth, Jesus, and the cultures and technologies of two-thousand years ago. He had also done research on hotrodding in preparation for this interview, explaining that hotrods likely didn’t appear until the 1930s in “present-day California” and that automobiles hadn’t even been invented until nearly 1,900 years after Jesus’ time on Earth. “I don’t want to sound like a stick in the mud. Heck, I love me some good old rock’n’roll music,” Jeuspraut stated, earnestly requesting this be included in this article, “but to make heretical claims such as Jesus building hotrods is outrageous and must be addressed.”

At the end of the day we must each ask ourselves who we trust. Would Butthole Surfers and Ministry lie to us? Does Michael Jeuspraut have an ulterior motive to want to defame Ministry? Does anyone actually believe that Haynes was trying to convince us that this actually happened? We received a quote from Al Jourgensen’s publicist in an email. “Al is a hotrod fanatic. In 1990, he had a ‘32 Ford 3 window coupe custom built at Fast Rat Custom Motors outside of Rockford, Illinois. The fabricator and mechanic he worked with was named Jesus Flores. Gibby knew this; it was a nod to Al. He was also extremely drunk out of his mind when he recorded the vocals. You'll notice that the lyrical content of the entire song is complete gibberish. I have no idea why you're taking this seriously.”

August 22, 2017

Lights Out God Help Me Fans Angry After Uneventful Eclipse


PRESQUE ISLE, ME—On Monday, August 21, 2017, North America was treated to an eclipse of the sun. Anyone within the path of totality from Salem, Oregon to Charleston, South Carolina saw one of nature’s most awe inspiring sights. Observers outside this path still saw a partial solar eclipse where the moon covers part of the sun's disk.

Industrial/power noise/killing floor act Lights Out, God Help Me has now drawn ire from fans after his inferred promises about what may take place after the lights go out went unfulfilled.

"There's so much awful shit going on in the world. The lights went out; god didn't help us," said one angry fan.

Others are angry for different reasons.

"He said we'd all burn, we didn't. Said we'd all drown, here we are. I'm beginning to think he doesn't tell the truth," said another questioning fan.

When reached for comment, LOGHM responded, "Are you fucking serious right now?"

June 5, 2017

UPDATE: Steven Archer of Ego Likeness, Stoneburner Replaces Stolen Hair with Mop


UPDATE: Since the theft of his hair by a crazed fan, Steven Archer has taken to wearing the head of a mop as a sort of "security blanket" as he copes with the loss of his identity. Fellow artists have started a betting pool on whether the hair can be recovered by authorities, or if he will be forced to grow it all back.

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BALTIMORE, MD—Steven Archer of Ego Likeness and Stoneburner was accosted by a thieving fan while performing at a local venue over the weekend.

Archer was slapping fives with fans between Ego Likeness' second and third song when one opportunistic concertgoer grabbed a fistful of the musician's luxurious locks. Before security could intervene, the rogue fan had produced an electric razor and removed the gorgeous mop from Archer's head.

Archer, though shocked and noticeably shaken, resumed his guitar playing for the remainder of the set. Halfway through the next song, a fedora was thrown on stage (presumably meant for Archer) which he angrily kicked back into the crowd.

After leaving the stage, Archer's wife, singer Donna Lynch, could be seen holding her distraught husband as he wept into her shoulder.

No arrests have been made, but witnesses say the thief was a wild-eyed bald man in his late 30s to early 40s wearing new glasses, Daisy Dukes, and a t-shirt that said "Blame Caustic."

May 24, 2017

BREAKING: Joe Letz of Combichrist Actually Black Man in Whiteface All These Years


NEW YORK, NY—It has been revealed that famed Combichrist drummer, Joe Letz, who has recently found himself at the center of a black face controversy, is in fact a black man who has been masquerading as a white man with emo hair all these years.

Photos of Letz not wearing his usual whiteface on stage have surfaced over the past month and caused a massive misunderstanding among the industrial scene. He has been accused donning blackface and being a racist. As it turns out, "Joe Letz" is actually 34-year-old David Mukembe, a performance artist of Gambian decent.

Said Mukembe, "This has been my greatest piece yet. In disguising myself as a Caucasian, sub-par drummer in a mediocre industrial band, I was able to shine a light on the impending death of industrial music."

Mukembe also made a clarifying statement about his whiteface, " I only disguised myself as an obnoxious white guy in order to blend in. This wouldn't have worked if I'd been one of the five black musicians in the scene. I in no way meant to insult white people or belittle their culture's struggles through history."

Mukembe also apologized for dragging out what was essentially a bad joke for over a decade. He has since left the band, and Combichrist's original drummer, Roland TR-909 has taken his place.

May 22, 2017

Trent Reznor, Houseplant Still Not on Speaking Terms


LOS ANGELES, CA—Although 52-year-old Trent Reznor's family and a 7-year-old weeping fig have shared a home for over six years, the two rarely acknowledge each other’s existence. Occasionally, Reznor will silently provide his estranged housemate with water, suggesting a desire to mend fences. The fig, however, continues to snub the apparent olive branch with not so much as a thank you, possibly contributing to the infrequency with which Reznor does so. It’s not quite clear what initially caused the riff in their seven year relationship. Some reports indicate that it may stem from the fact that the fig has been unemployed for at least the past 2 years and does not contribute anything to the household in the form of utility payments or chores. The fig did not immediately respond to a request for comment. At the time of this report, neither party had expressed the desire to part ways, though the fig has slowly started growing toward the window, possibly indicating a desire to cut ties and move on with its life.

May 18, 2017

CONTRAversy: Brian Graupner of The Gothsicles Admits to Never Having Played Contra


CHICAGO, IL—In shocking news today, it has been discovered that Brian Graupner, creative mastermind behind the band The Gothsicles has been lying to his fans and fellow musicians about key elements of the band that is seen as one of the leaders of the comedy-based EBM, nostalgia-core industrial-synth-dark power-electro scene.

The scene unfolded when a fan asked Graupner after a recent show to sign their copy of Contra, the famed 8-bit side-scrolling shooter on the Nintendo Entertainment System, and the game most recognized for popularizing the Konami Code (Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select, Start) which granted a player 30 lives. When the fan asked which level was his favorite, Graupner broke down sobbing.

"I have no fucking idea man; I never played this fucking game before. I only had a Sega Master System while growing up!" the emotionally broken techno-crooner confessed. Graupner then proceeded to tear down The Gothsicles' merchandise screaming that he was a phony and that “Big Mario” was "making [him] do this" before being escorted to his bus by road crew and other band members.

When contacted for comment, a more composed Graupner admitted that he had in fact never played Contra. “My parents messed up the Christmas I asked for the NES. All that was left in stores was the Sega Master System. I grew up playing games like Outrun and Fantasy Zone,” said Graupner. “None of my friends had ever even heard of the Master System, and when '80s nostalgia came in the early 2000s, what the fuck was I going to sing about? Who the fuck would want to hear a song based on the continue code in Alex Kidd in Miracle World?”

“I... I just wanted to make funny, industrial-EBM-electro music based on iconic '80s stuff, man... It all just took off so fast,” Graupner stated whimsically.

Since the incident, Graupner has gone on record to say that he has briefly played some Contra on the recently released Nintendo NES Classic console, and does enjoy it, but that he believes Sega Master System classic Psycho Fox to still be the superior game.

May 10, 2017

Steven Archer of Ego Likeness, Stoneburner Robbed of Hair by Crazed Fan

Archer before the incident (left) and in a police photo taken as evidence (right).

BALTIMORE, MD—Steven Archer of Ego Likeness and Stoneburner was accosted by a thieving fan while performing at a local venue over the weekend.

Archer was slapping fives with fans between Ego Likeness' second and third song when one opportunistic concertgoer grabbed a fistful of the musician's luxurious locks. Before security could intervene, the rogue fan had produced an electric razor and removed the gorgeous mop from Archer's head.

Archer, though shocked and noticeably shaken, resumed his guitar playing for the remainder of the set. Halfway through the next song, a fedora was thrown on stage (presumably meant for Archer) which he angrily kicked back into the crowd.

After leaving the stage, Archer's wife, singer Donna Lynch, could be seen holding her distraught husband as he wept into her shoulder.

No arrests have been made, but witnesses say the thief was a wild-eyed bald man in his late 30s to early 40s wearing new glasses, Daisy Dukes, and a t-shirt that said "Blame Caustic."

May 9, 2017

Police Raid Tony ''Acidrodent'' Smith's Home, Find Cache of Stolen Art Supplies


SPRINGFIELD, IL—Local police have raided the home of Tony Smith, lead musician in the industrial metal band Acidrodent. Officials have stated that among an "inordinate amount of microwave hot dogs," they have found a large cache of stolen art supplies. Sources say a small amount of low-grade marijuana was also discovered at the scene.

The aforementioned art supplies include paint, rainbow glitter, and rubber cement. Sgt. Steve Duncan with the Springfield Police Department stated, "A significant amount of the items we've recovered have women's names on them. We ask that anyone with any information contact our tip line."

A state-wide investigation is on its way to find the rightful owners of the art supplies. Smith was released from the Sangamon County jail on a signature bond, but initially refused to leave until after lunch had been served.

May 1, 2017

Sean Payne Spills Beer on, Causes Cyanotic Fan to Short Circuit


CHICAGO, IL—Normally, playing live shows are a good way for a band to gain new fans, but Cyanotic recently almost lost one. Witnesses say that frontman Sean Payne was giving an energetic performance when he took a break between songs to drink his beer. Someone in the crowd yelled, "Drink up!" to which Payne responded by screaming into the microphone, "It's angry robot fuel!" and pumped his fist in the air. Unfortunately, that fist was wrapped around his open beer which splashed onto a long time fan in the front row.

Said one witness, "The big metal dude started making these mechanical grinding and scraping sounds. At first I just thought it was just the intro to the next song, but then a bunch of sparks shot out and shit. It was fuckin' rad. I mean, I feel bad for dude, but it was fuckin' rad."

Payne, visibly shaken, sat on the stage rocking back and forth while band mates Kevin Barron and Jordan Davis stayed by the malfunctioning unit's side, waiting for mechanics to arrive. Upon arrival, the mechanics sprayed brake cleaner on the affected areas and applied a moderate amount of grease. The unit was then taken to a nearby machine shop, where it's expected to make a full recovery. When asked for the unit's model number, a spokesperson for the shop declined to comment citing privacy concerns.

JP Anderson, interim lead counsel of the Glitch Mode legal team has stated, "...any vulnerability to fermented beverages on the part of artificial persons is solely the responsibility of the manufacturer; we cannot be held liable for such oversights."

For more news and scene gossip stay tuned to Riveting News.

Editor's note: This article has been updated to include the official statement from JP Anderson.

April 25, 2017

Al Jourgensen Removes Facial Piercings, Floats Away


Los Angeles International Airport, CA—While going through tight security at LAX, Ministry frontman Al Jourgensen was asked by TSA agents to remove all his facial piercings. Not wanting to miss his flight and upcoming show, he obliged. Upon their removal, Jourgensen seemed a bit wobbly, but onlookers just assumed he was using again.

"As soon as he dropped the piercings in the bin, he just started floating. It was so weird," said witness Roger Hendricks, begrudgingly on his way to New York for his son's gay wedding. "He looked worried, but he didn't really start freaking out until he broke through the skylight. I'm just glad they grounded my flight."

All incoming flights have been redirected to nearby airports, while the Air Force has been called in to attempt a rescue mission. The upcoming Ministry tour–set to kick off in Denver–will be postponed unless Jourgensen is somehow brought down before the jet stream carries him past Colorado.

For more news and scene gossip stay tuned to Riveting News.



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