RedBubble
Riveting News
Riveting News
Showing posts sorted by date for query industrial. Sort by relevance Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by date for query industrial. Sort by relevance Show all posts

November 14, 2017

Louis C.K.: "Meat Beat Manifesto Made Me Do It"


HOLLYWOOD, CA—The rise of sexual allegations in Hollywood are not to be joked about; the serious matter has been ruining celebrities left and right from the likes of Kevin Spacey to Harvey Weinstein with many men and women coming forward to address these horrible situations. It was not surprising to see the crude comedian Louis C.K. come forward and state that the allegations of sexual harassment bestowed unto him by five women are true. However, we have an inside scoop from an anonymous source who states that they know why Louis C.K. committed such defiling acts.

When questioned about his acts of perversion, Louis C.K. told our source, "Meat Beat Manifesto made me do it."

Louis C.K. went on to describe his love for the infamous post-industrial and experimental project. He said he loved them so much he took the name of the project literally and therefore went on his own Meat Beating Manifesto. Our source claimed that Louis C.K. went on to say, "Well, since I followed the name of the band like a manifesto, I took it to heart. I would go around masturbating in front of as many people as I could. My dog, my co-workers; hell, I even masturbated on the phone with my father-in-law once."

While Louis C.K. has admitted to his acts of perversion he has yet to come forward and actually talk about his intense obsession with this industrial act. The first step to solving your problem is admitting you have one, Louis, so you ought to reveal this to the world next. I would not be surprised if he was also a fan of Revolting Cocks, but that's another theory for another day.

We have reached out to Louis C.K. for comment but his answering machine only brought us to sounds of further intense masturbation, a thought we will not be able to shake out of our heads for the next while.

November 8, 2017

Nivek Ogre of Skinny Puppy, ohGr Set to Star in Shrek The Musical


BROADWAY, NY—Nivek Ogre, the legendary frontman of Skinny Puppy and ohGr, has announced that he will be starring in the latest round of the musical adaptation of DreamWorks' Shrek. Though Ogre has previous film experience and shows interest in cinema, no one expected him to announce his involvement in Shrek the Musical.

"DreamWorks first contacted me about two or three months ago and said they would be ecstatic to have an Ogre play Shrek. After all, they did not want to be accused of cultural appropriation. I tried telling them that I wasn't an actual ogre, but they wouldn't listen. At least I'll get to write the music for the film," recounted Ogre.

Nivek Ogre is planning on writing out an electro-industrial album for the musical. If all goes well he did say he was planning on releasing a 2xLP limited edition version for the soundtrack of Shrek: The Electro-Industrial Musical.

The latest tour of the musical staring Ogre as the green ogre is set to start in spring of 2018 with further co-stars yet to be announced.

October 26, 2017

Report: Not Every Day is Halloween

Written by The Spoon Feed

EL PASO, TX—Industrial band Ministry is in hot water after a report has been released from the University of Chicago disputing the claims of their classic song, Every Day Is Halloween. The fifty page report details top research conducted within the University’s Astronomy Department for the past two years.

“All signs point to the contrary,” says Director of Astronomical Studies, George Kugler. “The lunar calendar has 365 days per year—366 days on a leap year. In all of our tests, only one of these days has turned out to be Halloween. That’s only 0.274% of the year as opposed to the 100% which Ministry claims as fact. So what’s really staggering isn’t just the fact that everyday is not Halloween, but the fact that such a small fraction of the calendar year is actually Halloween.”

Fans have already begun reacting to the scandal, burning albums and memorabilia in the streets. A Change.org petition is circulating calling for the band’s founding member, Al Jourgenson, to step down from his position.

“This is a real bummer,” comments Seth Gorman, 23. “Ministry really let me down—let us all down. We’ve all been living this life thinking that everyday was Halloween and it turns out only one day is Halloween. I mean, what else have they been lying about? Did Jesus actually build his hotrod, or was that all a lie too? I don’t know what’s real anymore. I’m just really disappointed.”

Ministry has not released an official statement yet, but several shows have been canceled by promoters fearing bad press.

October 10, 2017

Band Asks for Fans' Phone Concert Footage to Make World's Shittiest Music Video


CONCORD, ME—Independent project Mechanical Zebra Carcass—whom you may remember as the notorious band who accidentally built a deck while using power tools on stage—is still desperately trying to stand out in the industrial scene by compensating for their complete lack of originality and substance. This time they are relying on the average concertgoer's tendency to care more about proving that they attended a show than they do actually enjoying it regardless or how much they fuck up everyone else's experience.

Local fans, once eventually located and asked, had initially speculated a possible new image for frontman Scario Maclaver. Rumors of a meat dress or fake breasts were discussed in a short post by a not fake account in the band's Facebook group, which boasts over 4,000 members—some of whom actually know they are in it.

Until today, Maclaver and the rest of the band have stayed tight-lipped about their big plans. The answer came earlier today from a video shared on the rather arcane social media service, Keek. The video was uploaded at 3:42am, almost completely black and it contained Maclaver saying but a few words. “We need all of your cell phone shot concert footage. We are making our mark with the world’s shittiest music video. If anyone has any cell phone footage of our shows, send it to us immediately. And if we can get anything shot on a flip phone, that'll really put this shit over the top. That's the holy grail, man.”

A captured WeChat conversation between synth player Shavro Uticrus and an unknown person confirmed the validity of the video and also made the details a little clearer. The anonymous person asked Uticrus, “What are you guys even doing with a bunch of crowd videos? That’s going to look like shit.” To which Uticrus replied, “That is the point. The indistry [sic] even with industrial music has got to [sic] polished. It's gonna be huge. I'm thinking Guiness [sic] Records is a possibility to [sic].”

To read the full transcript of the conversation, click here.

October 2, 2017

Scientists Currently Developing Cure for Chiptune


BONN, DE—Scientists with the World Health Organization are currently working on a vaccine to stop the spread of chiptune and its current infection of industrial and electronic music.

The 8-bit menace has been ravaging the industrial scene for years, but a group of dedicated WHO researchers lead by Dr. Neil Andrews are optimistic that a fully synthesized cure is just around the corner. One that could potentially even reverse the damage it's caused.

Dr. Andrews explained, "Our ultimate goal is to completely reverse the degradation of industrial's DNA caused by the chiptune infection. The first step, of course, is to develop a vaccine and immediately begin the inoculation of all unaffected projects. Once the infection has been contained, retroviral treatments for those currently inflected would be the next step."

There are currently two teams operating under Dr. Andrew's supervision, each tasked with developing one of his self described "two pronged attack" on the sonic pestilence. While they are coordinating and sharing their research, the team in charge of developing the vaccine seems to be the main focus.

"As much as we'd like to save those already infected, if we can't protect presently uninfected bands, there's not much hope for the genre. For instance, many of my colleagues don't believe there is any hope for Victor Love. It's possible that Master Boot Record is a terminal condition," lamented Dr. Andrews. While many in the scene believe the infected may be beyond saving, his team remains hopeful that a cure may one day become a reality and make way for another Dope Stars Inc. record.

September 25, 2017

Cold Waves Festival Canceled Due to Impending Heat Wave


CHICAGO, IL—Global Warming has claimed its first victim in the industrial scene. The yearly music festival, Cold Waves, has been canceled due to public safety concerns after meteorologists have predicted a massive heat wave lasting well through autumn.

This week will be cooler in Chicago, but the future beyond its 5-day forecast likely holds more temperature extremes than the city has experienced in its recorded history.

Illinois State University meteorologist Frank Gallow warned NBC Chicago this week that recent record-breaking temperatures are not a new status quo; the new status quo will be worse.

“Here’s the old normal, here’s the new normal,” Gallow explained, demonstrating with upraised hands. “We’re somewhere in between, but we haven’t finished changing yet.”

The high pressure influx that drove thermometers mad across the state last weekend has not moved on from the region in spite of lower temperatures this week. Gallow adds, "Yeah, you've seen what Hurricane Irma and Harvey have done, but wait until you see what this mother fucker is gonna do to the north. You thought you were safe up there? Not anymore. Get prepared to get fucked. Say goodbye to Eskimos."

Jason Novak, founder of Cracknation, had considered postponing until the winter months, but opted not to compete with the busy holiday season. Refunds will not be available to those who have purchased tickets due to the performers and venues having been paid upfront months in advance.

September 12, 2017

Millennials Are Killing Industrial Music


As if it was not enough for Millennials to kill the fabric softener, shaving cream, and restaurant industries, as well as banks, Hooters, NASA, cocaine, the American Dream, and a list that goes on and on and on, Generation Y is now seeking to destroy the industrial music scene. Out of all the major things that millennials could seek to destroy such as banks, NASA, and the Pillsbury Dough Boy, the Echo Boomers are targeting our niche dark electronic scene.

This has become all too apparent in the recent months especially with industrial godfather :Wumpscut: announcing that he is quitting making music for more or less nothing in reference to his paycheck. With the lack of insufficient funds thanks to illegal downloads and new streaming revenue and obviously not due to the band's unwillingness to change with the times, it's obvious that millennials are to blame. For everything.

These personal tragedies have also struck me as an industrial music enthusiast as well. I went to go buy a physical copy of a CD somewhere, but it was sold out before I could purchase it. I could only imagine that somewhere in the world, some dirty rotten Millennial uploaded the CD to the internet and shared it with over one-thousand other millennials. The mere thought of that made my blood boil.

It's a sad time in industrial music and the future is bleak. We must all hang in there. The most we can do is warn everyone of the threat that millennials pose, and continue fighting the good fight.

September 6, 2017

Biblical Historian Claims Jesus Never Built Hotrod


CINCINNATI, OH—One local researcher has done a thorough investigation into claims made by the renowned industrial rock band Ministry. “Their 1991 single, ‘Jesus Built my Hotrod’, features guest vocalist Gibby Haynes from the Butthole Surfers claiming, as you would guess, that Jesus built a hotrod-style muscle car for him,” says Michael Jeuspraut. “We have, however, found significant evidence which proves that Jesus of Nazareth would not have been alive on Earth at a time or place when hotrodding would have been possible–the technology just didn’t exist in His time. Furthermore, He wasn’t a mechanic by trade. According to Biblical texts, Jesus was most likely a carpenter or possibly a stone mason.”

During my interview with Jeuspraut, I was given a lengthy lesson about Nazareth, Jesus, and the cultures and technologies of two-thousand years ago. He had also done research on hotrodding in preparation for this interview, explaining that hotrods likely didn’t appear until the 1930s in “present-day California” and that automobiles hadn’t even been invented until nearly 1,900 years after Jesus’ time on Earth. “I don’t want to sound like a stick in the mud. Heck, I love me some good old rock’n’roll music,” Jeuspraut stated, earnestly requesting this be included in this article, “but to make heretical claims such as Jesus building hotrods is outrageous and must be addressed.”

At the end of the day we must each ask ourselves who we trust. Would Butthole Surfers and Ministry lie to us? Does Michael Jeuspraut have an ulterior motive to want to defame Ministry? Does anyone actually believe that Haynes was trying to convince us that this actually happened? We received a quote from Al Jourgensen’s publicist in an email. “Al is a hotrod fanatic. In 1990, he had a ‘32 Ford 3 window coupe custom built at Fast Rat Custom Motors outside of Rockford, Illinois. The fabricator and mechanic he worked with was named Jesus Flores. Gibby knew this; it was a nod to Al. He was also extremely drunk out of his mind when he recorded the vocals. You'll notice that the lyrical content of the entire song is complete gibberish. I have no idea why you're taking this seriously.”

August 28, 2017

Trump: Revoking Virtual Terrorist Tour Visa "A No Brainer"


WASHINGTON, DC—Citing national security concerns, President Donald Trump has issued an executive order revoking the tour visa of Canadian techno-industrial darling Virtual Terrorist, effective immediately.

In a rare acquiescence to a press request, the President agreed to meet briefly with Riveting News. Immediately after entering through the White House's newly installed revolving door, we were greeted by two unpaid secret service agents. After being led to a room closely resembling a large college dorm, Mr. Trump paused his game and sat down with us to discuss his newly inked executive order.

"No one ever banned this guy. Obama didn't do it. No one did. He's been around for years. Terrorist is right in the name. It's a no brainer. Visual Terrorist [sic]. He's Visual. You can see him. Obama saw him. He did nothing. I'm not gonna say he hates America. I'm not gonna say it. I won't say it. But I really think that he must hate America though if he's letting this guy in," explained Trump.

When informed that Virtual Terrorist was the name of a Canadian electronic music project, and not an actual terrorist, Trump responded, "Look, you say Canada. It could be Russia. Or China. Or some other bad, bad country like ISIS. Maybe it could be Canada. And Canada is killing us with NATO, by the way. Killing us. Big league. And I think it's very, very bad. CNN won't tell you. They're fake news. You might be too. I don't know. Let's say you are. We're talking right now, OK? I think that you're probably not having the bad ratings they're having over there. I really think that."

The President proceeded to speak for another solid 56 minutes—covering a wide range of topics entirely unrelated to the executive order—at times almost nearing some semblance of coherence.

When pressed for comment about his past Twitter accusations that Riveting News was "fake news," Mr. Trump denied having a Twitter account and dove into a ball pit.

August 22, 2017

Lights Out God Help Me Fans Angry After Uneventful Eclipse


PRESQUE ISLE, ME—On Monday, August 21, 2017, North America was treated to an eclipse of the sun. Anyone within the path of totality from Salem, Oregon to Charleston, South Carolina saw one of nature’s most awe inspiring sights. Observers outside this path still saw a partial solar eclipse where the moon covers part of the sun's disk.

Industrial/power noise/killing floor act Lights Out, God Help Me has now drawn ire from fans after his inferred promises about what may take place after the lights go out went unfulfilled.

"There's so much awful shit going on in the world. The lights went out; god didn't help us," said one angry fan.

Others are angry for different reasons.

"He said we'd all burn, we didn't. Said we'd all drown, here we are. I'm beginning to think he doesn't tell the truth," said another questioning fan.

When reached for comment, LOGHM responded, "Are you fucking serious right now?"

August 15, 2017

Cincinatti Zoo Builds Elitist Goth Sanctuary


CINCINNATI, OH—Though the Cincinnati Zoo has become well known for the Harambe Incident in both media and pop culture, the board behind the wildlife sanctuary is about to make a shocking announcement to the world: They are building the world's first Elitist Goth Sanctuary.

Requesting an interview with us for being the leading Industrial/Gothic online webzine we got the chance to speak with board member Joseph Wallace about the upcoming Gothic enclosure. When asked about the idea he stated, "I'm an early '80s Goth, you know. The best kind. Big hair, lots of black on black clothing, The Cure and Siouxsie and the Banshees and all that good stuff. I kept getting sick of all these young kids entering our scene trying to bring color and happiness into it. Emos, scene kids, cyber goths—this isn't Mortal Kombat."

The enclosure is stated to be a three square mile caged environment, complete with a dancefloor, bar, and more. "We didn't want to include too many outside areas for the Goth enclosure, because Goths don't get too much sunlight. We're afraid they're going to burn off and die should they receive too much Vitamin D."

To counter the assault from the sun's rays, they have started construction on an interconnecting and underground bat cave. "Everyone knows that bats are a goth's best friend," continued Wallace, "So why not let the Goths live with them?" The construction workers are planning on littering the floors of the caves with eyeliner, nail polish, and plenty of jewelry.

The Elite Goths are notorious for having a strict and limited amount of songs they enjoy hearing, so Wallace has set up three separate DJ setlists for the Goths. "When they get in the enclosure as their new permanent home, we want them to enjoy themselves. Going into a Goth club you just know that there will be the same songs played over and over again each time you enter a club—which is great. We want to keep the environment stable and enjoyable for the sensitive Elite Goth. Therefore we have handpicked thirty tracks in total which will play on repeat throughout the day."

As of right now, Wallace and his team are bulldozing the grounds where the Goth Sanctuary will be built. Work will be slow and steady, but he plans on having the enclosure ready for public viewing by October of 2018.

August 8, 2017

Combichrist to Record EP with Ed Sheeran


UPDATE: Soon after we broke this story, Andy LaPlegua confirmed the previously under wraps collaboration on his personal Instagram account.

LONDON, UK—Andy LaPlegua of Combichrist fame has written several new songs with multi-platinum artist Ed Sheeran as he plots a change in course for his ever-evolving band.

According to our sources, they have co-written a track together, their first time teaming up since LaPlegua first approached the "Shape of You" singer about a collaborative project. Fans will soon be treated to a snippet of the new song on LaPlegua's Facebook page. It's been reported that at least four more songs are in the works.

“They've been friends for years, ever since Andy first ran into Ed at a coffee shop in Los Angeles. He told Ed he'd become a big inspiration for him lately," a source told us. “The collaboration actually came about very quickly earlier this year. Andy was told that Ed was beginning to write a song with him in mind."

An excited La Plegua reportedly flew straight to the U.K. to finish writing the track with Ed, before recording the next day.

While LaPlegua will certainly enjoy the support of Combichrist's already huge fan base, the industrial star is clearly keen to branch out into the folk-pop scene, and working with Sheeran, currently one of the most sought-after songwriters in the music business, will give him a boost.

June 7, 2017

Pair of Combat Boots Never Seen Combat


ALLENTOWN, PA–It's been revealed that a pair of combat boots owned by a local goth have only ever been worn in a club setting. Stomping to Front Line Assembly is the closest they've come to seeing actual front lines.

Riveting News reporter Steven Gullotta uncovered the shocking truth behind the stylish footwear:

As I walked through the dance floor of my local, awesome, and super packed industrial night club and stared at everyone's boots, I began to notice a bit of an oddity: Not one of these pairs of boots seem all that used. In fact, most of them looked brand new and as if they were only worn at the club and nowhere else. I could not understand this, especially since all the blackened leather was fit for combat and not for a club night of dancing. I mean, really, how are you gonna dance in them things? You'll crush someone's toes off if you accidentally stepped on them. This is why I launched a full fledged investigation.

I went up to the nearest goth that I could find and pulled him aside. After greeting me with a very friendly, “What the fuck are you doing?” I was able to sit him down at a table and have a talk with him. He seemed to calm down as soon as I slid him some black nail polish and a graphic novel adaptation of The Nightmare Before Christmas.

After a series of vigorous questions directed toward the anonymous 31-year-old, I discovered that his boots were in fact combat boots that he had purchased at his local military surplus store.

"Yeah, these boots are the real deal, but I only wear them when I'm at the club 'cause I have to dress normal in the streets just in case my boss sees me. I don't wanna get fired. But after all the recent night club shootings, I figured I needed some protection. So combat boots it was," he explained in a not-very-convincing manner.

Continuing on, he stated that should he ever see combat, he's sure his boots will give him the upper hand, “These things easily give me an extra quarter inch of height against my opponent. And, you know, you gotta take the high ground in a fight. It helps.”

May 18, 2017

CONTRAversy: Brian Graupner of The Gothsicles Admits to Never Having Played Contra


CHICAGO, IL—In shocking news today, it has been discovered that Brian Graupner, creative mastermind behind the band The Gothsicles has been lying to his fans and fellow musicians about key elements of the band that is seen as one of the leaders of the comedy-based EBM, nostalgia-core industrial-synth-dark power-electro scene.

The scene unfolded when a fan asked Graupner after a recent show to sign their copy of Contra, the famed 8-bit side-scrolling shooter on the Nintendo Entertainment System, and the game most recognized for popularizing the Konami Code (Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select, Start) which granted a player 30 lives. When the fan asked which level was his favorite, Graupner broke down sobbing.

"I have no fucking idea man; I never played this fucking game before. I only had a Sega Master System while growing up!" the emotionally broken techno-crooner confessed. Graupner then proceeded to tear down The Gothsicles' merchandise screaming that he was a phony and that “Big Mario” was "making [him] do this" before being escorted to his bus by road crew and other band members.

When contacted for comment, a more composed Graupner admitted that he had in fact never played Contra. “My parents messed up the Christmas I asked for the NES. All that was left in stores was the Sega Master System. I grew up playing games like Outrun and Fantasy Zone,” said Graupner. “None of my friends had ever even heard of the Master System, and when '80s nostalgia came in the early 2000s, what the fuck was I going to sing about? Who the fuck would want to hear a song based on the continue code in Alex Kidd in Miracle World?”

“I... I just wanted to make funny, industrial-EBM-electro music based on iconic '80s stuff, man... It all just took off so fast,” Graupner stated whimsically.

Since the incident, Graupner has gone on record to say that he has briefly played some Contra on the recently released Nintendo NES Classic console, and does enjoy it, but that he believes Sega Master System classic Psycho Fox to still be the superior game.

May 16, 2017

Industrial Band Using Power Tools on Stage Accidentally Builds Deck


STRATSVILLE, PA—There are a lot of ways to engage the crowd and get a performance energized, but it's important not to distract yourself while on stage. Said one fan at an industrial band's show who wishes to remain anonymous, "At first everything was just rhythmic, but then their energy eventually just slowly shifted toward genuine construction."

The industrial band in question, Mechanical Zebra Carcass, was performing a very stompy set over the weekend when they brought power tools on stage to get the crowd even more hyped. "Y'know, they had a chainsaw, nail gun, drills, a jackhammer—a jackhammer. How often do you see that on stage?" continued the fan.

It was within five minutes that the crowd noticed that the band had stepped away from their synths and began tearing up the floorboards and ripping whatever they could off the walls to build a very well-crafted deck.

Another witness at the scene of the crime stated, "My dad was a carpenter, and he built some mighty decks, but I've never seen anyone build one so fast and sturdy in my life."

Security tried to intervene and drag the frontman off the stage but they quickly realized that was a mistake. One of the security guards was nailed into the deck and still remains there waiting for urgent care. The band sealed him within the planks of the wood and his leg was struck by at least nine one-inch nails.

All band members have been arrested and are currently awaiting trial. Court records show they have all plead "not guilty due to being industrial as fuck" to all charges.

May 9, 2017

Police Raid Tony ''Acidrodent'' Smith's Home, Find Cache of Stolen Art Supplies


SPRINGFIELD, IL—Local police have raided the home of Tony Smith, lead musician in the industrial metal band Acidrodent. Officials have stated that among an "inordinate amount of microwave hot dogs," they have found a large cache of stolen art supplies. Sources say a small amount of low-grade marijuana was also discovered at the scene.

The aforementioned art supplies include paint, rainbow glitter, and rubber cement. Sgt. Steve Duncan with the Springfield Police Department stated, "A significant amount of the items we've recovered have women's names on them. We ask that anyone with any information contact our tip line."

A state-wide investigation is on its way to find the rightful owners of the art supplies. Smith was released from the Sangamon County jail on a signature bond, but initially refused to leave until after lunch had been served.

May 5, 2017

Kanga, r.roo Announce Joint Australian Tour


SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA—Industrial pop artist Kanga and Ukranian electronic musician r.roo have announced a surprise Summer Australian Tour. The unending popularity of Kanga within the industrial scene will only help bolster the output of the tour, and seeing r.roo perform outside of their home country is a rarity. The tour is set to start in the summer and while the dates have yet to be announced, both parties announced that their tour will end at the Australian Zoo in Beerwah, Queensland.

When asked what prompted the decision to tour in Australia, Kanga explained, "I don't know, it just sounds right for some reason. I can't really explain it. But we're very excited."

Stay tuned to Riveting News for future information on the tour.



Red Bubble

Riveting News Webstore

industrial music

Get Involved

Facebook Twitter Youtube Donate

Industrial Shirts on Redbubble

Redbubble