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Showing posts sorted by relevance for query nightmare before christmas. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query nightmare before christmas. Sort by date Show all posts

May 3, 2018

Therapist Tells Troubled Goth Patient "It's Okay to Not Like 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'"


BUFORD, IN—Lasandra "Nightfaery" Becker has been a Goth for as long as she can remember. From her days as a 3 year old wearing Misfits T-Shirts, to her scene days in Middle School, straight to her over dramatic Victorian Goth stage in high school, she says the style has always fit her. "Black has always been my thing. While other people were wearing pink and purple and glitter, I always stuck to the dark and the macabre. Some look up to Paris Hilton. My role model is Morticia Adams."

However, the 18-year-old bat-loving, coffee drinking enthusiast has come across a bit of a mid-Goth crisis. She has faced one issue that most Goths are afraid to confront directly: Her massive dislike of "The Nightmare Before Christmas."

"I used to think something was wrong with me. I was ashamed. Every time I'm hanging out with my friends or out at a club, I always see at the very least four of my fellow Goths wearing a Nightmare pin, shirt, or some sort of paraphernalia. They would have discussions about it laughing, and smiling, wishing they had a romance like Jack and Sally. I would just stand there and smile and nod and agree, but I hated it."

Becker discussed her first encounter with the beloved classic. She first watched it at a sleepover at a friend's house where she fell asleep during the first ten minutes. "All my friends were talking about it the next morning and I was just like completely unaware of anything."

Becker went on to say how infected the Goth culture has become by "The Nightmare Before Christmas".

"I thought in order to be Goth, you had to like 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' otherwise you couldn't hold the title of Goth," Becker stated.

It wasn't until Becker visited professional counselor and lifestyle coach James Frank III that she finally got her dislike for "The Nightmare Before Christmas" under control.

Frank stated, "When I first saw Lasandra she was a wreck. Her eyeliner was not on point and she was wearing sketchers with black jeans. What type of Goth wears sketchers?"

It was through this miracle worker that Becker was able to hold her title as what she truly was in life. "Frank told me that it was okay to not like 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'. Obviously there were many sessions involved, many months of counseling, and I finally got over it."

Becker's ultimate test was when she visited her local Goth club night where she met familiar faces. Her boyfriend, who goes by the name of Josh Ravenblood said, "I never saw her so happy in quite a while. Every time someone mentions or brings up 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' she just laughs and says it sucks."

Since her rehabilitation, Becker has continued her life as a Goth without being chained to the stereotype, "You have to like 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' to be a Goth."

May 30, 2017

Hot Topic Employee Fired for Criticizing The Nightmare Before Christmas


SCHAUMBURG, IL—The worker, identified as 17-year-old Krystyna, was let go when she took her previously acceptable melancholy and indifferent attitude too far and referred to the Tim Burton cult classic as "lame."

Riveting News reporter Nicholas Gnames was on scene when the events unfolded:

The store’s decorations looked like Tim Burton held 18 to 24-year-old girls down and tattooed various depictions of Jack Skellington on them in the most visible of places to show the world just how original they are and then stapled the girls themselves to the walls.

As a 36-year-old man, I was sort of inspired.

"Do you have that 'The Nightmare Before Christmas Jack & Sally Reversible Girls Hoodie' I saw on the website?” I asked a girl name Krystyna because she was obviously Ukranian or her mom thought she was creative but was instead a total failure even when she attempted to be a photographer.

"But you’re a man. Why would you want a girl’s hoodie?" she inquired.

Fairly certain I had not heard a yes or a no, I pressed onward, "It’s reversible. Perhaps the reversed side is a men’s hoodie."

"Whatever, it’s like totally lame either way. Everything’s lame."

I too remember being 17 and working my first job. I too remember being unable to answer even the most simple of questions, usually because I was very, very high on marijuana. I felt bad for her. I felt bad for me because I was literally shivering, and if I could just get a hoodie, men’s or women’s, I would not be shivering any longer. I began screaming for warmth. A manager approached me.

"Sir, please, keep it down, our target demographic is 6-year-old girls and their 19-year-old mothers—because they typically like the same things—and they seem frightened." The nerve of this guy…

"Listen, all I want is my 'The Nightmare Before Christmas Jack & Sally Reversible Girls Hoodie' I saw on the website, and Krystyna told me that was lame and assumed my gender."

He fired her on the spot. I felt terrible until later when I saw her working at Torrid where her ass belonged in the first place.

October 4, 2018

How to Spot a Fake Goth


It's a tough question that we ask ourselves all the time. You'll be out at your favorite stomping grounds and come across someone who seems like they're trying to be Goth, but doesn't quite fit in. Your soulless instincts start to kick in as you notice that this person is not wearing black at all but a mean set of cargo shorts, Crocs, and a white button up shirt. Suddenly, you realize that this person might actually be a normie. This is a dilemma that many of us face, therefore we here at Riveting News have set up a guide that will help you find out whether or not someone is really Goth.

  • Their favorite song by The Cure is actually the Hot Potato song by The Wiggles.
  • When you read their Journal, it says, "I fucking hate Goths so much," over and over and has photos taped in it of popular pop-punk groups such as Weezer.
  • Their limited edition unrated director's cut of The Nightmare Before Christmas is actually a Tae Bo video.
  • They pronounce Sisters of Mercy as "Blisters of Cersei."
  • They spread mayonnaise all over their body to hide a really nice tan.
  • Their combat boots have a Nike swoosh on them and also aren't combat boots at all.
  • They ask you if their eyeliner looks OK, but they're wearing a paper bag over their head with a sad face drawn in sharpie.
  • Their cutting scars are clearly from anterior cruciate ligament surgery.
  • When you talk about Satan, they start crying and beat the shit out of you with a Bible.
  • When you ask what their favorite legitimate Goth site is, they say Riveting News.
When in doubt, knock them out.

June 7, 2017

Pair of Combat Boots Never Seen Combat


ALLENTOWN, PA–It's been revealed that a pair of combat boots owned by a local goth have only ever been worn in a club setting. Stomping to Front Line Assembly is the closest they've come to seeing actual front lines.

Riveting News reporter Steven Gullotta uncovered the shocking truth behind the stylish footwear:

As I walked through the dance floor of my local, awesome, and super packed industrial night club and stared at everyone's boots, I began to notice a bit of an oddity: Not one of these pairs of boots seem all that used. In fact, most of them looked brand new and as if they were only worn at the club and nowhere else. I could not understand this, especially since all the blackened leather was fit for combat and not for a club night of dancing. I mean, really, how are you gonna dance in them things? You'll crush someone's toes off if you accidentally stepped on them. This is why I launched a full fledged investigation.

I went up to the nearest goth that I could find and pulled him aside. After greeting me with a very friendly, “What the fuck are you doing?” I was able to sit him down at a table and have a talk with him. He seemed to calm down as soon as I slid him some black nail polish and a graphic novel adaptation of The Nightmare Before Christmas.

After a series of vigorous questions directed toward the anonymous 31-year-old, I discovered that his boots were in fact combat boots that he had purchased at his local military surplus store.

"Yeah, these boots are the real deal, but I only wear them when I'm at the club 'cause I have to dress normal in the streets just in case my boss sees me. I don't wanna get fired. But after all the recent night club shootings, I figured I needed some protection. So combat boots it was," he explained in a not-very-convincing manner.

Continuing on, he stated that should he ever see combat, he's sure his boots will give him the upper hand, “These things easily give me an extra quarter inch of height against my opponent. And, you know, you gotta take the high ground in a fight. It helps.”



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