May 16, 2017

Industrial Band Using Power Tools on Stage Accidentally Builds Deck


STRATSVILLE, PA—There are a lot of ways to engage the crowd and get a performance energized, but it's important not to distract yourself while on stage. Said one fan at an industrial band's show who wishes to remain anonymous, "I like a good stage show, but building a deck is something I have never seen before."

The industrial band in question, Mechanical Zebra Carcass, was performing a very stompy set over the weekend when they brought power tools on stage to get the crowd even more hyped. "Y'know, they had a chainsaw, nailgun, drills, a jackhammer - a jackhammer. How often do you see that on stage?" continued the fan.

It was within five minutes that the crowd noticed that the band had stepped away from their synths and began tearing up the floorboards and ripping whatever they could off the walls to build a very well-crafted deck.

Another witness at the scene of the crime stated, "My dad was a carpenter, and he built some mighty decks, but I've never seen anyone build one so fast and sturdy in my life."

Security tried to intervene and drag the frontman off the stage but they quickly realized that was a mistake. One of the security guards was nailed into the deck and still remains there waiting for urgent care. The band sealed him within the planks of the wood and his leg was struck by at least nine one-inch nails.

All band members have been arrested and are currently awaiting trial. Court records show they have all plead "not guilty due to being industrial as fuck" to all charges.

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19 comments:

  1. I'm fucking dying. Award for most rivet goes to this band.

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    1. I laughed so fucking hard.

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  2. Ahahahaha. Or it could just be Infusion Crew and Third Union, playing a show together in 2009. Ya know, either way. ��

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  3. Ramms+ein would burn it all down!

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  4. Bruh the whole fuck in the retarded monkey white peopling half sckitofranic incest horse barn jumping beer drinking heroine smoking meth sniffing holy Jehoshaphat puke spewing puss demon did I just read??

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    1. You read a satirical article, one might conclude. Hope this helps. 💓

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  5. ...or at least one nine inch nail.

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  6. Wow!!!! Such photoshop. Much suck.
    Mechanical Zebra Huh??? Infusion Crew are a performance arts troupe. Not a band. We still performe today for select events.
    And actually, we built the stage for that club well before that show went on.

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    1. I'm sorry, but you are mistaken. Our sources were extensively vetted. Furthermore, the use of Photoshopped imagery would only serve to tarnish our journalistic integrity. We here at Riveting News welcome any and all feedback, but we do not take slander lightly. If you wish to speak with us directly regarding a story or percieved error, please contact our head office at press@rivetingnews.org and someone will get back to you. Thanks for reading.

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  7. Oh COME ON! How does one "Accidentally" build a deck? Please.
    This is great. I am still laughing.

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  8. Faust were doing this in the 80's

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    1. Correction: Faust were doing this in the 70's.

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    2. But how sturdy were their decks?

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  9. I understand that Einsturzende Neubauten came in a week later and deconstructed it during their performance.

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    Replies
    1. The whole building, actually.

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  10. What the fuck did I just read?

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