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January 16, 2019

Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross to Score All of Television, Cinema


As of today, celebrated industrial rock veteran, Trent Reznor, and his esteemed writing partner, Atticus Ross, have taken over scoring duties for all watchable media for the foreseeable future.

"After Bird Box got so huge, it was really the only option at that point," the jovial, oft-grumpy Reznor said.

Since their Oscar-winning breakout score to The Social Network, the duo have been in high demand. The harrowing keys set the backdrop of fellow loner and Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, garnering many accolades and new opportunities. After that, they scored 73 more forgettable films and tv shows and local news intros and now, everything.

"It's really not that complicated, there's just this one chord, and it goes to the satellite and... (I have to apologize, but I got lost in the technicalities for two hours)... and with my new job at Apple, they just said we could do them all now," Reznor said as Atticus nodded or napped.

The general public has found that the mix of dissonant plinky keyboards and reverbed synth swells fits nicely into whatever new show they are binge-watching to sporting events to reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond. C-SPAN ratings are reportedly at an all-time high.

They even decided to incorporate one of Nine Inch Nails previous guitar players, who had fallen on hard times.

"I saw a homeless man the other day, belting out in a beautifully painful eruption of grief, so I sent Atts to go do a field recording to use for whatever sad war thing Ken Burns has coming out. Apparently the homeless guy was Aaron North, so we will credit him for that time coming up in the future."

"Looks like his life went more Aaron South," Ross deadpanned.

So what is next for this duo? Video games.

"We are looking to get into a way of scoring all the video games too, but fear we might get sucked into playing them and not accomplish anything for a few years," Reznor said wistfully.

Written by Chris Stienstra



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