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June 19, 2017

Gas Leak at Cyber Goth Rave Kills Zero


ISLINGTON, UK—A ruptured pipe caused a gas leak over the weekend inside Electrowerkz, a renowned three story nightclub in London's Islington District. The leak appears to have occurred during Slimelight, a popular weekly Saturday night club event. Slimelight usually operates two dance floors: a darkwave/goth room (on the ground level), and an ebm/aggrotech room (on the middle level). From time to time, the third dance floor (on the top level) will play power noise. As fate would have it, on this particular night, the event had been downsized to only the second level aggrotech floor due to minor renovations in the ground floor.

The patrons in attendance suffered no respiratory issues, and danced the night away to [Android\Kölon:58] completely oblivious to the hazard. The leak was discovered the next morning when a custodian lost consciousness while cleaning the club. Repairs and renovations have since been completed, and Slimelight is set to be in full swing this coming Saturday on all three Electrowerkz dance floors.

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17 comments:

  1. Let me guess. The dancers were wearing gas masks?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did the photo of gas masks tip you off?

      Delete
    2. Wow, genius.

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    3. Yet the article didn't specify how/why they weren't affected. Anyone can paste photos to an article

      Delete
    4. Then let's see you do it.

      Delete
    5. That's the joke
      "inserts screenshot of McBain from the Simpson's doing stand up"

      Delete
    6. Are you serious Hannah? The author of the article placed the picture. Do you know how websites even worK?

      Delete
    7. Marcus, r/woosh.

      Delete
  2. I love reading good news for a change. I mean... it's about as exciting as "the Golden Gate Bridge stood for another day," but it's better than the dozen other articles cluttering my feed about police shootings, American terrorist attacks in the states, and general bull-shit.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Am I the only one that finds industrial/cyber goth girls really atractive?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Without the mask maybe. Otherwise it's like she thinks you so toxic she needs the mask.

      Delete
  4. A true test! This accident was sure to weed out the pousers from the true Goths, although there must have been no pousers in attendance during the reported accident as no deaths or injuries were reported, other than the custodian doing clean-up the morning after.

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  5. Lol this crap is suspectingly just like the Corona virus kills none at got rave article. Bullshit

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Because it's literally the same article with edits. This one was first.
      Both are satire articles and didn't really happen.

      Delete



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