Riveting News
Riveting News

Al Jourgensen Removes Facial Piercings, Floats Away

Los Angeles International Airport, CA—While going through tight security at LAX, Ministry frontman Al Jourgensen was asked by TSA agents to remove all his facial piercings. Not wanting to miss his flight and upcoming show, he obliged. Upon their removal, Jourgensen seemed a bit wobbly, but onlookers just assumed he was using again.

"As soon as he dropped the piercings in the bin, he just started floating. It was so weird," said witness Roger Hendricks, begrudgingly on his way to New York for his son's gay wedding. "He looked worried, but he didn't really start freaking out until he broke through the skylight. I'm just glad they grounded my flight."

All incoming flights have been redirected to nearby airports, while the Air Force has been called in to attempt a rescue mission. The upcoming Ministry tour–set to kick off in Denver–will be postponed unless Jourgensen is somehow brought down before the jet stream carries him past Colorado.

For more news and scene gossip stay tuned to Riveting News.

Zardonic to Fight Zub-Zero in Mortal Kombat

OUTWORLD—Once again, Shao Kahn's infamous fighting tournament is in full swing, having attracted many Earthrealm warriors. Thus far, Zardonic has been crushing his opponents with his impeccable timing and strong beatings. His electrically charged blasts of metal and signature fatality, the Flying Metal Bass Drop, have been a cause for concern among the other entrants. In his next match, he will be up against Sub-Zero, the former Lin Kuei assassin. Though Sub-Zero's Cryomancy lineage allows him to freeze his opponents, we here at Riveting News are hopeful that Zardonic's beats per minute are fast enough to outmaneuver the icy blasts. Their first round is scheduled for next Tuesday at 4:00 PM.

For more news and scene gossip stay tuned to Riveting News.

Study: 90% of All Chains on Pants Found to Serve No Real Purpose

CAMBRIDGE, MA—After a 2 year study, researchers at MIT have determined that the majority of chains commonly seen on pants at the average goth club do not have any practical applications outside of aesthetics. About 8% of the time, one to three chains were found to be securing a wallet of some kind. Additionally, a mere 2% were found to inexplicably exist in place of a belt. Their effectiveness in actually holding the pants up remains questionable.

For more news and scene gossip stay tuned to Riveting News.

Leaked X-Rays Reveal 3Teeth Has Had Two Root Canals

LOS ANGELES, CA—A dental assistant who prefers to remain anonymous has provided Riveting News with evidence that suggests 3Teeth may be misrepresenting their overall condition to their fans. This is a shocking revelation, as one would not expect such a bad ass band to have teeth weak enough to need such a procedure.

Goth Kid Shunned From Lunch Table For Not Dying Hair Over Summer Break

BROOKSVILLE, PA—Hunched over a tray of lukewarm goulash and canned corn, Josh "Ravenblood" Hanson recounts his traumatic first day back at Brooksville Township High School after summer break.

"I spent the summer working at my dad's furniture store 'cause Hot Topic said they had no openings, which I know is bullshit, but whatever. My dad made me cut my hair 'cause I refused to stop wearing eyeliner, but I let it grow out though 'cause I'm my own person, ya know? I was working a lot to save up money for art school next year, and I just never got around to [dying] it [black again]."

When Ravenblood showed up for his first day of his senior year, everything seemed normal at first. He found his locker and all of his morning classes with ease. Things were going well, that is, until his lunch period.

"I got my tray and found where my friends were sitting. We all sit way in the back because everyone's so lame. Plus it's by the door so we can sneak out to smoke. They were all looking at me funny as I walked up, but I thought maybe they were just surprised I was still alive. I write a lot of poetry about suicide, ya know. But then I got to the table and everyone stopped looking at me and then spread out so there wasn't room."

One of the other goth students eventually spoke up and informed Ravenblood that he needed to "stop being a conformist and dye your hair black like the rest of us" if he wanted to sit with them. For the past week, Ravenblood has been eating alone near the drama students, because his mom can't take him to CVS for hair dye until this Sunday.

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