May 1, 2017

Sean Payne Spills Beer on, Causes Cyanotic Fan to Short Circuit


CHICAGO, IL—Normally, playing live shows are a good way for a band to gain new fans, but Cyanotic recently almost lost one. Witnesses say that frontman Sean Payne was giving an energetic performance when he took a break between songs to drink his beer. Someone in the crowd yelled, "Drink up!" to which Payne responded by screaming into the microphone, "It's angry robot fuel!" and pumped his fist in the air. Unfortunately, that fist was wrapped around his open beer which splashed onto a long time fan in the front row.

Said one witness, "The big metal dude started making these mechanical grinding and scraping sounds. At first I just thought it was just the intro to the next song, but then a bunch of sparks shot out and shit. It was fuckin' rad. I mean, I feel bad for dude, but it was fuckin' rad."

Payne, visibly shaken, sat on the stage rocking back and forth while band mates Kevin Barron and Jordan Davis stayed by the malfunctioning unit's side, waiting for mechanics to arrive. Upon arrival, the mechanics sprayed brake cleaner on the affected areas and applied a moderate amount of grease. The unit was then taken to a nearby machine shop, where it's expected to make a full recovery. When asked for the unit's model number, a spokesperson for the shop declined to comment citing privacy concerns.

JP Anderson, interim lead counsel of the Glitch Mode legal team has stated, "...any vulnerability to fermented beverages on the part of artificial persons is solely the responsibility of the manufacturer; we cannot be held liable for such oversights."

For more news and scene gossip stay tuned to Riveting News.

Editor's note: This article has been updated to include the official statement from JP Anderson.

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