May 22, 2017

Trent Reznor, Houseplant Still Not on Speaking Terms


LOS ANGELES, CA—Although 52-year-old Trent Reznor's family and a 7-year-old weeping fig have shared a home for over six years, the two rarely acknowledge each other’s existence. Occasionally, Reznor will silently provide his estranged housemate with water, suggesting a desire to mend fences. The fig, however, continues to snub the apparent olive branch with not so much as a thank you, possibly contributing to the infrequency with which Reznor does so. It’s not quite clear what initially caused the riff in their seven year relationship. Some reports indicate that it may stem from the fact that the fig has been unemployed for at least the past 2 years and does not contribute anything to the household in the form of utility payments or chores. The fig did not immediately respond to a request for comment. At the time of this report, neither party had expressed the desire to part ways, though the fig has slowly started growing toward the window, possibly indicating a desire to cut ties and move on with its life.

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