October 2, 2017

Scientists Currently Developing Cure for Chiptune


BONN, DE—Scientists with the World Health Organization are currently working on a vaccine to stop the spread of chiptune and its current infection of industrial and electronic music.

The 8-bit menace has been ravaging the industrial scene for years, but a group of dedicated WHO researchers lead by Dr. Neil Andrews are optimistic that a fully synthesized cure is just around the corner. One that could potentially even reverse the damage it's caused.

Dr. Andrews explained, "Our ultimate goal is to completely reverse the degradation of industrial's DNA caused by the chiptune infection. The first step, of course, is to develop a vaccine and immediately begin the inoculation of all unaffected projects. Once the infection has been contained, retroviral treatments for those currently inflected would be the next step."

There are currently two teams operating under Dr. Andrew's supervision, each tasked with developing one of his self described "two pronged attack" on the sonic pestilence. While they are coordinating and sharing their research, the team in charge of developing the vaccine seems to be the main focus.

"As much as we'd like to save those already infected, if we can't protect presently uninfected bands, there's not much hope for the genre. For instance, many of my colleagues don't believe there is any hope for Victor Love. It's possible that Master Boot Record is a terminal condition," lamented Dr. Andrews. While many in the scene believe the infected may be beyond saving, his team remains hopeful that a cure may one day become a reality and make way for another Dope Stars Inc. record.

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