April 25, 2017

Al Jourgensen Removes Facial Piercings, Floats Away


Los Angeles International Airport, CA—While going through tight security at LAX, Ministry frontman Al Jourgensen was asked by TSA agents to remove all his facial piercings. Not wanting to miss his flight and upcoming show, he obliged. Upon their removal Jourgensen seemed a bit wobbly, but onlookers chalked this up to the usual rock star alcoholism.

"As soon as he dropped the piercings in the bin, he just started floating. It was so weird," said witness Roger Hendricks, begrudgingly on his way to New York for his son's gay wedding. "He looked worried, but he didn't really start freaking out until he broke through the skylight. I'm just glad they grounded my flight."

All incoming flights have been redirected to nearby airports, while the Air Force has been called in to attempt a rescue mission. The upcoming Ministry tour–set to kick off in Denver–will be postponed unless Jourgensen is somehow brought down before the jet stream carries him past Colorado.

For more news and scene gossip stay tuned to Riveting News.

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