June 13, 2018

Study: Is Eating Ass Goth?

NEWBURY, CT—It seems that eating ass has become the latest sexual trend in recent years with many, many millennials constantly posting, asking, and wondering about the infatuation. Researchers across the world are stumped as to how and why this has become such a trend considering, as one anonymous source put, "Literal shit comes from the anus. You are eating shit when you eat ass." Editor's note: That's what baby wipes are for.

But there is one question lingering in the air that has yet to be answered by our little, dark, narrow scene: Is eating ass considered to be Goth? We at Riveting News, your number one legitimate source for all things dark and electronic, are here to answer that question.

Our investigation led us to the household of Lasandra "Nightfaery" Becker, a sexual deviant and someone who has gotten her asshole licked by big tongues, small tongues, fat tongues, and flat tongues. When we first knocked on the door Nightfaery groaned, "Not you fucking guys again." But after offering to pay her in coffee and cigarettes, she reluctantly let us in.

As we sat on the couch with one too many noticeable stains on it, Nightfaery answered our question to the best of her knowledge, "Josh Ravenblood, my boyfriend, has always called my butthole 'the batcave'. When I tell people about that they're thinking it's a batman reference. But it's not. We're talking about actual bats here."

Ravenblood was listening in on the conversation next to his girlfriend, and added, "She's eaten my ass out for the past ten nights. And, I mean, if you think about it, the butthole never sees sunlight, and neither do Goths."

Nightfaery finished out by saying, "So, yeah, I mean... I guess eating ass is Goth."

Though these are just two of the many opinions that are in the Goth scene, the discussion can still move forward with the many make-up artists, musicians, and BDSM performers within the Goth scene. We at Riveting News say that eating ass is GOTH, as it always has been. So eat ass to your heart's content!
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