April 19, 2017

Goth Kid Shunned From Lunch Table For Not Dying Hair Over Summer Break


BROOKSVILLE, PA—Hunched over a tray of lukewarm goulash and canned corn, Josh "Ravenblood" Hanson recounts his traumatic first day back at Brooksville Township High School after summer break.

"I spent the summer working at my dad's furniture store 'cause Hot Topic said they had no openings, which I know is bullshit, but whatever. My dad made me cut my hair 'cause I refused to stop wearing eyeliner, but I let it grow out though 'cause I'm my own person, ya know? I was working a lot to save up money for art school next year, and I just never got around to [dying] it [black again]."

When Ravenblood showed up for his first day of his senior year, everything seemed normal at first. He found his locker and all of his morning classes with ease. Things were going well, that is, until his lunch period.

"I got my tray and found where my friends were sitting. We all sit way in the back because everyone's so lame. Plus it's by the door so we can sneak out to smoke. They were all looking at me funny as I walked up, but I thought maybe they were just surprised I was still alive. I write a lot of poetry about suicide, ya know. But then I got to the table and everyone stopped looking at me and then spread out so there wasn't room."

One of the other goth students eventually spoke up and informed Ravenblood that he needed to "stop being a conformist and dye your hair black like the rest of us" if he wanted to sit with them. For the past week, Ravenblood has been eating alone near the drama students, because his mom can't take him to CVS for hair dye until this Sunday.


SHARE THIS ARTICLE:

5 comments:

  1. This rocks

    ReplyDelete
  2. Goth teens: We can't stand conformity
    Also Goth teens: You can't sit with us because you didn't dye your hair black to look like the rest of us

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. do you not understand that this is a satire site?

      Delete
  3. Those so-called friends only respect people who aren't willing to conform, huh? Well Ravenblood, Show those sanctimonious hypocrites some nonconformity; dye your hair pink and say "Fuck you." Actually you don't even have to say that, the pink hair will say it all. Good luck. Rise above.

    ReplyDelete

Get Involved

Facebook Twitter Youtube Donate

Follow by Email