Riveting News
Riveting News

March 28, 2018

Goth Model Pretends Black Licorice Isn't Fucking Gross


BELFORD, ME—Everyone knows black licorice is gross, and if you like it, you're wrong. That hasn't stopped 23-year-old Lasandra Nightfaery, a gothic Instagram "model" from insisting that she enjoys eating the chewy nightmare sticks.

"Black red vines are may fav!!  #licorice #redvines #yummy #favoritesnack #black #loveblack #allblackallthetime #goth #gothic #gothmodel #feelingpretty #lace #blacklace," said the lying sociopath when she posted a picture of herself clearly not even eating the disgusting strips of black death.

After 12 minutes of raging over having to read the phrase, "black red vines," I picked myself up off the floor and caught my breath. Intellectually, I knew she was referring to black licorice made by the Red Vines licorice brand, but I was already psychologically crippled by the nerve of this woman's twisted insistence that rotting rat carcasses make a good snack when compressed and twisted into rope. Everyone has their breaking point.

As of press time, there were a dozen comments on Ms. Nightfaery's fauxtograph, including three from seemingly like-minded fraudsters claiming to also have the ability to consume The Upside Down's version of a Slim Jim without vomiting every ounce of bile from within their wretched bodies.

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