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August 21, 2019

Mattel Set to Release New Cybergoth Barbie

Ever since the 1959 launch of Barbie, Mattel has been considered the crowned ruler of the toy industry, second only to LEGO. But in their time on this Earth Mattel has always been lacking consideration for a certain niche scene: the cybergoth community.

With its ever-growing presence and viral videos of the cybergoth community celebrating Christmas by dancing to Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You', it was only a matter of time before Mattel began listening to the cybergoth community. At the local toy store, we found Lasandra "Nightfaery" Becker browsing through a selection of Barbie's to much discontent.

"Why can't I be represented in the Barbie line-up?" asked Nightfaery, "I asked one of the employees here if they had any cybergoth barbies, and when I told them what it was, the guy brought me to a section with Mortal Kombat action figures. To say that I was livid is an understatement. I bitched at his manager and hope he gets fired. I'll also be contacting corporate."

Mattel heard the many upset voices in the cybergoth community and finally spoke out. Ynon Kreiz, the CEO of Mattel, spoke out at a press conference with shocking news, "We have heard the cybergoth community speak out, and we are here to showcase our brand new Barbie for your special community. Introducing the Cybergoth Barbie!"

An image of a newly made Cybergoth Barbie was revealed as cybergoth journalists in the crowd danced to Tactical Sekt's hit club song 'Not Entertained'.

The suggested retail price of the newly announced Cybergoth Barbie will be $24.99 USD, and will come packaged with several respirators and gas masks, leather outfits, combat boots, and two different pairs of leg warmers. Also included will be a tiny roll of black nipple tape, marking the first time in history Mattel has in some way acknowledged this missing part of Barbie's anatomy.

Cybergoth Barbie's release date has yet to be revealed. It will be sold exclusively at Toys R Us.

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